You can take the bear out of the zoo but you can't take the zoo police on all by yourself trust me, even if you encourage the bear to help
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 31, 2013
*opens backpack*
*takes out fanny pack*
*opens fanny pack*
*takes out coin purse*
*open coin purse*
*sees virginity is safe and sound*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 30, 2013
Bought a giraffe cuz I didn't want to buy a ladder AND a horse.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 30, 2013
If you ever feel sad or alone, don't. Do both at the same time to speed up productivity.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 29, 2013
Mexico is my favorite country that sounds like a prescription medication.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 28, 2013
Bruno Mars looks like a shitty police sketch of Prince
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 26, 2013