Insomnia is your brain telling your body that your body can’t tell your brain what to do.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 1, 2018
10pm: Time for bed
11pm: I should go to sleep
12pm: I can't fall asleep
1am: Why can't I fall asleep?
2am: What's the point?
3am: What's the point of anything?
4am: Nothing matters
5am: Why can't my brain shut up?
6am: Why can't those birds shut up?
7am: Is my brain birds?— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 28, 2018
How about we just assign five Juggalos per school?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 27, 2018
Every time I share an Uber I turn to the person next to me and ask, “How much spaghetti in the attic is too much spaghetti in the attic?” Before they can answer I inform them it’s a trick question, I only make lasagna. Then I open my door and jump and roll
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 24, 2018
I miss New York so much that today I thought about creating an app where a random voice tells you to fuck off for no reason whatsoever when I realized that app already exists. It’s called The Entire Fucking Internet.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 22, 2018
I'm gonna come and take all your guns, tear down all Confederate statues, then melt the guns down and use the metal to replace them with statues of the Golden Girls and you can't fucking stop me.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 17, 2018