If there’s a direct correlation to playing video games and real life please explain why I don’t eat fruit and am afraid of ghosts even though I played Pac-Man on and off for a decade.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 9, 2018
We can start pronouncing “ratio” like “patio” any time. The only thing stopping us is ourselves.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 7, 2018
Thanks for help with the new Tinder profile, TurboTax pic.twitter.com/dJeeusE1iI
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 7, 2018
I will honestly be disappointed if every time they cut to Jordan Peele tonight he's not slowly and methodically stirring a cup of tea with a spoon while staring directly at the cameras.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 4, 2018
I actually like Instagram’s algorithm that shows you pictures from yesterday because when I see someone enjoying their life too much I remind myself that 24 hours is more than enough time for them to have lost everything they loved in a fire.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 4, 2018
1. Buy cheap umbrella
2. Have it die on you mid-storm
3. Buy expensive umbrella
4. Forget it on public transportation
5. Repeat steps 1-4 until you die— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 2, 2018