The President acted Presidential for 90 minutes and we’re supposed to be impressed? Fuck that noise. The Chuck E. Cheese animatronic band acts like a real band 24/7. Where are the headlines praising them?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 31, 2018
I will donate the rest of my life to any Democrat who brings a live shark to the State of the Union tonight.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 30, 2018
The guy next to me at the CVS self-checkout was having problems with the machine and announced to me if it fucked with him one more time he was going to go “full Robocop on its ass.”
The fucking machine worked and now I have to go my grave wondering what I was about to see.— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 29, 2018
The founder of IKEA has died. May he rest in pieces.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 28, 2018
I trust his word 100x more than Mitch McConnell's. https://t.co/HmKcSh97gK
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 26, 2018
JAMES BOND: “You expect me to talk?”
GOLDFINGER: “No Mr. Bond, I expect you to like and subscribe.”— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 24, 2018