If you’re addicted to Tide Pods and quit how are you supposed to stay clean?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 16, 2018
TRUMP: “I won’t mention names but certain immigrants are terrible for this country.”
NATIVE AMERICANS: “Go on…”— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 14, 2018
PENCE: Mr. President, ballistic missiles are headed towards Hawaii
TRUMP: Who cares? That shithole hasn’t had power in months— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 13, 2018
ROBBER: GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!
ME: It's tied up in BitCoin
ROBBER: Can you explain what the shit that is?
*fours hours later*
DETECTIVE: Cause of death?
ME: *taking drag off a cigarette* Boredom? Knowledge? Who's to say?— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 11, 2018
If you feed a writer a La Croix after midnight they turn into a podcast.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 9, 2018
Even if she isn’t running Oprah should fuck with him and take out full-page ads in all the major newspapers with nothing but photos of her birth certificate.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 8, 2018