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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Tag: Women

Posted on November 15, 2018January 1, 2019

Snow has the same qualities that I look for in my ideal woman: it’s beautiful, it’s unforgiving, and, if given the chance, it will bury me alive.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 15, 2018

Posted on August 30, 2018September 6, 2018

My ideal woman:
• Lives in a bog or a ditch
• Is keen on animal sacrifices
• Speaks only in tongues
• Knows her way around shanks
• Shares the dang remote when we’re watching Netflix!
• Isn’t sure whose blood she’s covered in

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 30, 2018

Posted on April 8, 2016April 11, 2016

pic.twitter.com/FNH3THJ5Lm

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 8, 2016

Posted on March 10, 2015March 12, 2015

Exclusive Leaked Promo Material From SONY's upcoming "guy-themed" GHOSTBUSTERS reboot pic.twitter.com/817jqju7aM

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 10, 2015

Posted on July 5, 2014July 14, 2014

Women are still the original 3D printer.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 5, 2014

Posted on June 30, 2014July 4, 2014

HOBBY LOBBY'S NEW SLOGAN: "Finally, a safe haven to burn witches while picking up glitter!"

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 30, 2014

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