I think Bernie Sanders would be an amazing President. I also think that he always walks around with packets of mustard, just in case.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 3, 2015
If I ever run for office my platform will be, "Dogs everywhere always."
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2015
"Welcome to McDonald's. You started dying the minute you were born, how may I help you?"
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 1, 2015
I'm convinced a few of the Supreme Court Justices are mermaids & that's why they always wear those flowing robes, to keep their secret safe.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 29, 2015
If you play Weezer's BLUE ALBUM backwards you can hear a sweater being put back together.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 29, 2015
It's been much too long since I interviewed someone and I apologize; I've been busy plotting against my neighbor's baby and planning a pizza party for my nemesis (the Lord and I both work in mysterious ways). Anywho, I started following this very funny person a few months back. She constantly makes me laugh and she is ridiculously nice. Throw your sunglasses in the trash, put that old banana peel on your peepers and let's get to know @pinupteacher.
I'm at my most pacman when I try and get to the snack table at a party without interacting with a single person.
— Pin Up Teacher (@pinupteacher) March 20, 2014
Why hello! Who are you and how many blueberry muffins would you care for?
Hello!! I’m @pinupteacher and I can eat at least 5 blueberry muffins in one sitting. Possibly 6. So, give me 7.
How long have you been tweeting?
I made my first joke on twitter a little over a year ago during the dark days of February 2014.
How often do you tweet?
Depending on who you ask, too often. I tweet about once or twice a day, depending on my mood and my life.
What inspires your jokes the most?
My jokes are almost all inspired by real life events and observations. Any time I’ve attempted to “work” a tweet in drafts it has become an actual piece of trash. Smelly, smelly trash. So I never draft. I just live my life and wait for both big and small things to happen that trigger an image, a story, an interaction, or a joke in my mind. For better or for worse, my tweets are who I am. The way I think. The way I talk. Amped up vignettes from my real life. I actually think I unknowingly developed my style by trying to think of witty text messages to send to people I was dating. Fun times.
What are your short and long-term writing goals?
I have never thought of myself as a writer. For now, I love sharing snippets of my life on Twitter and hopefully making people laugh and feel connected by the commonalities of the human experience.
I’m currently working on a top secret Twitter related project that I’m incredibly excited about. Stay tuned!
Have you ever stolen fine China or regular China even? Have you stolen China?
Only the finest. I use it when I eat Taco Bell.
How many mangos can I fit in my babysitter's minivan?
Math has never been my strong suit. 12?
What do you like to do when you're not emptying words into a box to strangers?
When I’m not filling the stranger box, I am usually exploring different hoods in New York, spending time with lovely people, eating all the foods, and playing with my impossibly cute dog. I founded a new public school this past fall and am actually a principal now – I know, I can’t believe it either! So, my mind and heart are often thinking about how I can continue to build and improve the school for my students and their families.
What's your favorite book?
This question immediately triggers flashbacks of some awesomely bad dates I’ve been on. Goodness, I have so many books that I love. Philip Roth’s “American Pastoral”, any poetry by Beth Ann Fennelly or Billy Collins, anything by Nabokov, plays by Tracy Letts, “Their Eyes Were Watching God” by Zora Neal Hurston. This probably makes me basic, but I adore David Sedaris. I also read a lot of nonfiction and works of social commentary. Basically, I can’t answer your question. Sorry.
What's your favorite John Candy movie?
Uncle Buck, obviously.
Can you teach me how to have more confidence when I'm stealing fine China?
Just start talking about the all the tacos and crunchwraps you’re going to eat on it. Use a snooty voice. Works every time.
Do you let your imagination wander? If so, where does it go?
I couldn’t stop it if I wanted to. I’ve always been a dreamer. I imagine scenes or conversations I’d like to have with people. I anthropomorphize everything, so my mind is often bringing objects to life and imbuing them with personalities.
Do you have any advice for aspiring writers?
It may sound trite but my best advice is to be yourself. People can immediately tell if you’re putting on airs or trying a style that isn’t genuine. You are lovely just as you are. Use your voice. Also, you have to read a lot and think about what you like and why you like it. Read tweets, books, articles, advertisements, everything. It can be incredibly inspiring and can help you hone your specific voice and style.
Waffles or pancakes?
This question is cruel and unfair. Pancakes.
How often do you take a break from online life?
I try not to force anything. If I’m feeling uninspired, I step away for a few hours or a few days to recharge and see what moves me.
Do you have access to scepters?
What do you love about Twitter?
Oh goodness! I love so much about Twitter. Life can be really hard and can feel very lonely. This community is incredibly important. I know we all crack jokes about how stupid and meaningless Twitter can be. But the truth is that it’s a special place where you can connect to like-minded people from all over the world and feel significant and valued. You can feel seen in a way that we often don’t in our day-to-day lives. It’s also so fulfilling to be creative and have a good laugh. Come for the jokes, stay for the genuine friendships.
Giraffes or ladders?
Giraffes. Have you seen their tongues?? Definitely giraffes.
Should I really have gotten suspended from PAYLESS, just for stealing fine China?
This is fucking outrageous and I plan to write a strongly worded letter on your behalf.
If you had a time machine, what would you wear tomorrow?
Stop trying to trick me.
Who are two people I should be following?
What still excites you in life?
I think the better questions is: what doesn’t excite me? Believe me, I battle with depression and self-loathing. I have shit days like everyone. But, life is so unbelievably and stupidly beautiful all the time. I live for the quirky details. For me, life is about knowing others deeply and being known. That drives every decision I make.
Can you give me a ride home?
If you don’t mind sharing shotgun with my dog, hop in!
Two praying mantis' sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I Oh shit, did you see that? Daaaamn. She straight up ate him.
— Pin Up Teacher (@pinupteacher) June 16, 2014
FOLLOW @pinupteacher on Twitter dot com.