If every day is a gift then Mondays are from SPENCER'S.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 29, 2013
I was always very young as a child.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 28, 2013
During summer we should elevate the Lincoln Memorial, give him a whistle, sunglasses, and shorts. Who's more appropriate for a lifeguard?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 26, 2013
Any pizza is personal if it killed your father
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 25, 2013
My favorite sports are: the one with the ball and not dying.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 24, 2013
Abraham Lincoln always wore a top hat to cover up his biggest secret: the tiny top hat he had hidden underneath.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 18, 2013