My ideal woman:
• Has a similar taste in comedy
• Bursts into 1,000 crows at dusk
• Enjoys Skee-ball
• Floats for reasons unknown
• Loves root beer
• Eats every former lover
• Sends me Steely Dan memes
• Can set me on fire with her mind
• Enjoys a good coupon

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 21, 2018