"Like a horse but with the saddle inside." – god creating camels
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) April 23, 2015
There were only vanilla milkshakes until some asshole said "Toss some strawberries in that shit!" Be that asshole. Toss berries at the world
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) April 19, 2015
They say "don't bottle your feelings up." I disagree. Put them in mason jars & sell them on Etsy. I've made hundreds of dollars from lonely
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) April 18, 2015
*friend notices extra toothbrush at my place*
“Sam does this mean what I think it does you old dog?”
“Yep. One for morning, one for night”— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) April 17, 2015
J. J. Abrams real name is LL Cool J. J. Abrams
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) April 16, 2015
*time travel interview*
"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
"When"
"What?"
"When do I see myself in 5 years"
"Can you start yesterday?"— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) April 16, 2015