"I was in 'Star Wars,' Chewie? That was me. But I've never been in the movies nor have I acted. Turtles are walking rocks." – Dr. Ben Carson
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 7, 2015
"What is water? The government wants you to think it's a liquid but really it's the tears of Jesus. I have fought the Batman." – Ben Carson
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 7, 2015
"That's where we keep the nation's jellybeans." – Ben Carson, pointing at the Statue of Liberty
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 6, 2015
*kid shows up wearing all tinfoil*
KID: Trick-or-treat!
ME: That ship sailed, friendo. What are you?
KID: Time traveler
ME: *empties wallet*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 5, 2015
He Died Doing What He Loved: Riding horses on top of moving freight trains in the dark
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 3, 2015
Slutty Halloween costumes? In this economy?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 31, 2015