I think Bernie Sanders would be an amazing President. I also think that he always walks around with packets of mustard, just in case.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 3, 2015
If I ever run for office my platform will be, "Dogs everywhere always."
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2015
"Welcome to McDonald's. You started dying the minute you were born, how may I help you?"
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 1, 2015
I'm convinced a few of the Supreme Court Justices are mermaids & that's why they always wear those flowing robes, to keep their secret safe.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 29, 2015
If you play Weezer's BLUE ALBUM backwards you can hear a sweater being put back together.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 29, 2015
SAVE TIME: Wake up screaming
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 27, 2015