The amount of racists out there doesn’t surprise me anywhere near as much as the fact that so many white people are looking for any excuse they can get to set the things they own on fire.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 4, 2018
You think you're tired of me? Buddy, I am me.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 2, 2018
(to the tune of Beastie Boys’ GIRLS)
Birds, all I really want is birds
And in the morning it’s birds
‘Cause in the evening it’s birdsBirds, to eat the fishes
Birds, to shit on my car
Birds, to eat the bread bread
Birds, and in the Arby’s parking lotBirds, birds, birds, birds
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 1, 2018
My ideal woman:
• Lives in a bog or a ditch
• Is keen on animal sacrifices
• Speaks only in tongues
• Knows her way around shanks
• Shares the dang remote when we’re watching Netflix!
• Isn’t sure whose blood she’s covered in— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 30, 2018
*footage of beto o’rourke jumping a motorcycle across the grand canyon*
“Texas, is this who you want as your Senator? A man who defies death and looks sexy as hell while doing it?”
“I’m Ted Cruz and I approved this message.”
“I’m Beto O’Rourke and I also approved this message.”— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 29, 2018
Bears don’t hibernate during winter. They go to their caves, think about the wrongs they’ve committed, change absolutely nothing, then once spring rolls around, they go back out on their “I Guess I’m Still A Bear” tour.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 29, 2018