If you lose your Internet for a weekend technically that’s camping now.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) June 8, 2018
Gonna need this Canadian prosecutor to weigh in during every documentary going forward please and thank you pic.twitter.com/XUtAvFR0B0
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) June 7, 2018
I’m in a stolen ice cream truck being pursued by ten cop cars. We’re all going 10mph. Their sirens are being drowned out by the jingle at full blast. My ponytail is billowing out the window. I can smell freedom and mint chocolate chip. Even if they kill me I can never die.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) June 5, 2018
“You know how kids love horses that are forever frozen while screaming? What if I told you there was a way to make them go in circles after we impale them AND make a profit?” – Inventor of the carousel
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) June 5, 2018
A breathalyzer but for people who are drunk on power
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) June 3, 2018
I’m single and ready to mingle*!
*continue making real platonic friendships with women until I love myself enough to know that I can get in a relationship that I won’t self-sabotage because of my lack of communication skills and fear of the unknown!
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) June 1, 2018