"Your gun and your badge. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun." – Octopus Police Chief
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 6, 2018
COP: Do you know why I pulled you over?
DON JR: There's not a body in the trunk
COP: Is that cocaine on the passenger seat?
DON JR: That's a bag of fake news
COP: Step out of the car, sir
DON JR: Here
COP: What's this?
DON JR: It's a memo
COP: Sir, this is a Marmaduke comic strip— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 4, 2018
*Paul Ryan pulls a quarter out from behind my ear*
ME: “Is that supposed to be a magic trick?”
RYAN: “That’s the magic of your tax cut!”
ME: “That’s fucking it?”
RYAN: “Now, watch me make Medicaid disappear!”— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 3, 2018
Go ahead and have your fun with the oversized Doppler rat but it’s 2018, stop dressing like you’re in The Crucible. pic.twitter.com/DEAppQfLUn
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 2, 2018
EVANGELICAL CHRISTIANS IN 2008: “Divorce is a sin of the highest order, vulgar language is an abomination, and cheating on your spouse is the quickest path to hell.”
EVANGELICAL CHRISTIANS IN 2018: “Look… nobody is perfect.”
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 1, 2018
The President acted Presidential for 90 minutes and we’re supposed to be impressed? Fuck that noise. The Chuck E. Cheese animatronic band acts like a real band 24/7. Where are the headlines praising them?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 31, 2018