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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Posted on October 8, 2016October 9, 2016

PAUL RYAN: I was fine with him calling women pigs, dogs, bimbos, fat, eating machines but this… this is still not enough to change my mind

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 8, 2016

Posted on October 6, 2016October 9, 2016

REPORTER: Would you make any changes to Air Force One?
GARY JOHNSON: No. They're incredibly sturdy shoes.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 6, 2016

Posted on October 5, 2016October 9, 2016

For Halloween I'm going as a Living Wage because none of my friends have ever seen that before.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 6, 2016

Posted on October 4, 2016October 5, 2016

MODERATOR: What's your greatest accomplishment?
KAINE: My perfect game of ski-ball!
PENCE: I drowned three witches that kept floating

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 5, 2016

Posted on October 3, 2016October 5, 2016

Trump supporters are the same people who touch the fajita skillet, then complain about how hot it is, even though they were warned.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 4, 2016

Posted on October 2, 2016

TRUMP: I'm the best at business. Extraordinary. Just the best

REPORTER: You lost one billion dollars

TRUMP: Hillary Clinton is a lesbian

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 2, 2016

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