Congratulations to the winner of the Powerball on never being able to not question the motives of friends, family, or strangers ever again.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 14, 2016
I never talk shit about people. I silently judge everyone like an adult.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 13, 2016
"Are lizards snakes or is it the other way around?" #SOTU pic.twitter.com/3jonkAp6Ma
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 13, 2016
You say "tomato," I say "I'm dead on the inside."
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 11, 2016
when u realize how sexy u are at the exact moment ur supposed to be giving a speech #goldenglobes pic.twitter.com/wag9cKHmXA
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 11, 2016
There's a drunk woman on the corner right now screaming at every car, "Are you an Uber?!" I'm hiding behind this garbage can & shouting yes
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 10, 2016