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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Posted on December 29, 2015January 2, 2016

i'll sleep when i'm bed

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 29, 2015

Posted on December 28, 2015January 2, 2016

[year 2030]
ME: Don't judge a book by its cover
CHILD: What's a book?
ME: Never mind. Eat your food pellet before we begin harvesting.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 29, 2015

Posted on December 27, 2015January 2, 2016

"Who's ready to bone?" – Paleontologist getting primed for work

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 27, 2015

Posted on December 26, 2015January 2, 2016

An entire movie consisting solely of Batman trying to parallel park the Batmobile.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 26, 2015

Posted on December 25, 2015December 26, 2015

Good boy
Good boy
Good boy
Good boy
Good boy
Good boy
Good boy
Good boy
Good boy
Very good boy
– Dog Santa's List

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 25, 2015

Posted on December 24, 2015December 26, 2015

Don't be fooled, tonight. If you're visited by the ghost of future you, it's really your Looper. Kill them and reclaim what's yours.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 24, 2015

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