Every year for Christmas I ask Satan to cure me of my dyslexia.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 3, 2015
Don't talk to me until I've had my evening coffee.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 2, 2015
Florence AND the machine? In this economy?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 1, 2015
Being an adult feels like someone informed you it's up to you to clean the entire Statue of Liberty with a toothbrush that you don't have.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 30, 2015
I put my pants on like anybody else: when I absolutely have to and not always then
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 30, 2015
I want to be an assassin but for killing people with kindness.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 28, 2015