An infinity pool sounds amazing until you realize that if you die in it you never stop dying.
— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) October 14, 2019
When I’m a ghost I’m gonna try and find that sweet spot between scary as fuck and kinda, sorta helpful. Like, I’ll write in blood on the walls but it’ll be a grocery list.
— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) October 1, 2019
27-years-old: I’m gonna do mushrooms at 6pm so when I do a pile of coke at 3am, the magic will really happen!
37-years-old: I’m staying up two hours past my bedtime because I can’t put this book down! No one can tame this wild horse!
— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) October 1, 2019
It's hard to see the smoking gun when the entire room is on fire.
— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) September 25, 2019
Cool! So when I finally have kids I can sit them down and tell them about the bird and the bee. https://t.co/i106Wd4aaT
— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) September 19, 2019
If my funeral doesn’t have a merch table I’m gonna be so freaking pissed
— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) September 18, 2019