I'm gonna come and take all your guns, tear down all Confederate statues, then melt the guns down and use the metal to replace them with statues of the Golden Girls and you can't fucking stop me.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 17, 2018
Just a fair warning: if you post a pic of you and your significant other Online today, I’m gonna fave or like the shit out of it and wish you continued warm feelings towards each other and there’s nothing you can do to fucking stop me.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 14, 2018
If they’re actually going to go through with this HARVEST BOX bullshit, they need to run a pilot program where all Senators and Representatives eat it for three months first. I’d love to see how Paul Ryan enjoys frozen apricots, a wet bag labeled “meats”, and extra IKEA screws.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 13, 2018
The audacity of Mike Pence telling gay people they need conversion therapy when he hasn't even finished transitioning from mayonnaise-gargoyle to human being is absolutely stunning.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 12, 2018
Depression feels like what fluorescent lights sound like.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 12, 2018
My favorite Winter Olympic Sport is not allowing seasonal depression and the world we live in to leave me paralyzed on the floor in the fetal position on a daily basis.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 9, 2018