"Oh heavens!" – Ben Carson who is currently having his hand mangled in his sink's garbage disposal
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 11, 2016
Is Googling someone first or second base?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 10, 2016
Ladies, you're allowed to go up to any man you see today and take 30% of the money he earned, no questions asked
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 8, 2016
Rock/Paper/Scissors has been deemed too hurtful to the youth of today and has been replaced with Acorn/Non-judgmental facial expression/Silk
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 8, 2016
Just ?? because ?? you ?? have ?? cheesecake ?? doesn't ?? mean ?? you ?? have ?? a ?? factory ??
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 6, 2016
I miss Ben Carson. He was a human fortune cookie: you never knew what was going to come out of him but it was almost always a real sentence
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 5, 2016