*uses pitchfork to eat three slices of pizza simultaneously*
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 16, 2015
Personally I would never vaccinate my kids. I would let the doctors do it.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 15, 2015
Hush little baby, don't say a word,
Snitches get stitches, it's time you heard.— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 14, 2015
Mark Ruffalo always looks like you just informed him that he died in a car crash.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 12, 2015
DEATH: "Your time has come."
ME: "Let me put some shoes on real quick."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 11, 2015
Why do hot dogs come in packs of six but man-buns only come in douchebags?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 9, 2015