GOD: "Did I ever tell you about the time I made it rain microwave ovens?"
JESUS: "No way!"
GOD: "… I wish we were real."
JESUS: "Me too."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 16, 2013
*Kanye runs into Jay-Z at RadioShack*
"J! If I'm here AND you're here then who's watching the-"
*Macklemore loads the Throne into a U-Haul*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 12, 2013
I worked 12 straight hours today and 3 really gay ones.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 12, 2013
If you're not into BREAKING BAD, that's okay. There are people that aren't into sex or food, so I kinda understand.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 11, 2013
*proposes*
*she accepts*
*she talks during BREAKING BAD on Sunday*
"I'm gonna need that ring back…."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 10, 2013
Girl are you a Wes Anderson film cuz you look absolutely stunning but I don't see this going anywhere
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 5, 2013