I can't afford traditional therapy anymore so I just go to IKEA, lie down on a couch, and wait for someone to ask if they can help me.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 4, 2013
Do you know what they call April Fool's Day in China? NOTHING BECAUSE THEY ARE GETTING SHIT DONE.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 1, 2013
Steal pictures of your friend's dog & put up 'Missing!' posters. Complete strangers will accost your friend. Ted will learn who's in charge.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 5, 2013
At a gay bar with my roommate. There is glitter and cum all over my phone. I should have washed it off before I came here.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 4, 2013
"Who made your dress?" "Asian kids probably." #Oscars
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 25, 2013
The PS4 has already revolutionized the way video game systems use hyperbole.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 22, 2013