Sarah Huckabee Sanders is like if expired Kohl’s Cash were a person.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 28, 2017
I firmly believe:
– Melania is a hologram
– Ivanka is made of glass
– Eric is a vampire
– Barron suffers from Benjamin Button disease and is actually Fred Trump
– Don Jr. is a bunch of anthropomorphic rocks stuffed in a body
– Tiffany is a Mossad agent that infiltrated the family— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 27, 2017
ANXIETY: Where you headed?
ME: Bed
ANXIETY: Mind if I tag along?
ME: Yeah, I think I'm-
ANXIETY: Good. I'll drive— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 26, 2017
Lazy motherfucker. pic.twitter.com/jsUMRDmsOi
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 26, 2017
Honestly, my extreme-leftist politics aside, TIME should name Hillary Clinton as the Person of the Year just to fuck with him.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 25, 2017
CONSERVATIVE UNCLE: I carved the bird! Everybody dig in!
ME: Everyone at the table deserves some food?
CU: Of course
ME: Even though only one person bought it
CU: Yeah, why?
ME: Explain to me why everyone doesn’t deserve Universal healthcare
CU: *brain explodes*
Me: Let's dig in!— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 23, 2017