*footage of beto o’rourke jumping a motorcycle across the grand canyon*
“Texas, is this who you want as your Senator? A man who defies death and looks sexy as hell while doing it?”
“I’m Ted Cruz and I approved this message.”
“I’m Beto O’Rourke and I also approved this message.”
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 29, 2018
Nothing would be funnier in life than if Ted Cruz liked porn on Twitter again tonight on purpose. Like that's just his new thing.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 13, 2017
One of my biggest fears is that Ted Cruz is still in the race during the summer & we’ll be subjected to watching him “eat” an ice cream cone
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2016
Do I think Ted Cruz is the zodiac killer? No. Do I believe with all my heart he chokes hitchhikers to death with a rosary? Of course I do.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 20, 2016
Ted Cruz is the physical manifestation of hearing your parents having sex.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 4, 2016
I can't believe I'm still writing Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer on all my checks
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 25, 2016