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Sam Grittner

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Tag: Ted Cruz

Posted on August 29, 2018September 6, 2018

*footage of beto o’rourke jumping a motorcycle across the grand canyon*
“Texas, is this who you want as your Senator? A man who defies death and looks sexy as hell while doing it?”
“I’m Ted Cruz and I approved this message.”
“I’m Beto O’Rourke and I also approved this message.”

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 29, 2018

Posted on September 12, 2017September 13, 2017

Nothing would be funnier in life than if Ted Cruz liked porn on Twitter again tonight on purpose. Like that's just his new thing.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 13, 2017

Posted on May 2, 2016

One of my biggest fears is that Ted Cruz is still in the race during the summer & we’ll be subjected to watching him “eat” an ice cream cone

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2016

Posted on April 19, 2016April 26, 2016

Do I think Ted Cruz is the zodiac killer? No. Do I believe with all my heart he chokes hitchhikers to death with a rosary? Of course I do.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 20, 2016

Posted on March 4, 2016March 7, 2016

Ted Cruz is the physical manifestation of hearing your parents having sex.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 4, 2016

Posted on February 24, 2016February 25, 2016

I can't believe I'm still writing Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer on all my checks

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 25, 2016

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