1am: Time for bed
2am: Just a few more tweets
3am: SIRI is toying with me
4am: Two hours will suffice
5am: The birds can hear my thoughts— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 24, 2016
ME: Time to go to sleep!
BRAIN: Yes, as soon as we hypothesize every worry that is out of your control but could conceivably come true— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 23, 2016
I don't get why people hate small talk so much. Do you really want Darryl from IT coming up and asking, "What's eating you away today?"
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 22, 2016
MUSLIMS: The next President might put us in camps
BLACK PEOPLE: We are literally being murdered in the streets
WHITE PEOPLE: Brangelina!— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 21, 2016
Instead of expressing joy at a celebrity couple getting divorced, I shall take the high road and continue to make everything about me.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 20, 2016
ME: I feel depressed, lonely, and like a piece of shit
BRAIN: I have the perfect cure: isolate yourself and make a list of all your mistakes— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 19, 2016