I want to ask that man's ponytail so many questions
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 8, 2013
I'm God's gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 7, 2013
If you explain what Tinder is to your grandparent that fought in a war you can watch their soul crumble in realtime, right before your eyes.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 6, 2013
I'm just going to torrent my Health Care.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 3, 2013
guy fieri looks like sonic the hedgehog as the lead singer of smash mouth
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 3, 2013
NEW NAMES FOR EYES:
• Real Lookers
• Vision Balls
• The Watchers
• Look Who's Looking Nowsters
• TV Ingesters
• Stare Masters
• Blind Spots— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 1, 2013