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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Posted on September 27, 2015October 1, 2015

*me at haunted house at age 15*
"This is scary!"
*me at haunted house at age 33*
"This is scary. Ghosts have houses and I'm still renting."

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 27, 2015

Posted on September 26, 2015September 27, 2015

Halloween is coming up and I still have no idea what I'm going to be for the rest of my life.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 27, 2015

Posted on September 25, 2015September 26, 2015

‘WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE TONIGHT!’ OCT. 3RD // 10:30PM

BUY ADVANCED TICKETS AND GET A NICE DISCOUNT!

FB Event Invitation (if you’re an aunt or uncle)

Posted on September 25, 2015September 26, 2015

DONALD TRUMP: This guy barely speaks American. I would deport him if I were in charge
POPE: I forgive you, constant idiot

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 25, 2015

Posted on September 25, 2015September 26, 2015

Being an adult feels like you're the only one cleaning up after a huge party you didn't get to attend.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 25, 2015

Posted on September 24, 2015September 25, 2015

POPE: Climate change is real
GOP: We believe you just not the words you're saying

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 24, 2015

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