I’m just too lazy to commit murder. Who has the time to get rid of a body, come up with an alibi, and dispose of the weapon? I’d spend three weeks on Amazon picking out the rug to roll them up in, then when it came, decide it fits the room perfectly and have to order another one.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 22, 2018
"When Lee Harvey Oswald Wasn't Killing The President He Was Killing It On The Dance Floor" pic.twitter.com/4dq9vMP5Td
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 21, 2018
Finally watched "The Godfather" based on this poster. There were ZERO marionettes. If you have a passion for puppetry, this is not the movie for you. pic.twitter.com/7THFHjpdfL
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 20, 2018
WAITER: Is Pepsi okay?
ME: Is anything okay?— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 19, 2018
When you're supposed to go on SHARK TANK to pitch your edible skateboards but somehow end up on FOX NEWS pic.twitter.com/8iFHEJq6AP
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 19, 2018
“If you only have one smile in you give it to the people you love.” – Maya Angelou pic.twitter.com/FkvvP5BTpK
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 15, 2018