— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 13, 2018
BEST WAYS TO BREAKUP WITH A BEAR:
• Admit you finally saw the end of “Grizzly Man”
• Say, “It’s not you, it’s I’m meat”
• Tell them you met someone who prevents forest fires
• Convert to park ranger
• Leave a note while they’re hibernating
• Don’t. It’s a fucking bear— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 12, 2018
I miss the old days of twitter, when it was just grammar nazis instead of actual nazis.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 11, 2018
You say, “Ferris Wheel” I say, “Temporary Sky Prison”
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 10, 2018
It feels like we're in a taxi with a driver who's freebasing while drinking bottle after bottle of 151, insists he knows where he's going even though it's clear he's lost, keeps running over cats and dogs and people, and we can't even roll down the windows to scream for help.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 8, 2018
It was the worst of times, it was the are you fucking kidding me with this shit? of times.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 7, 2018