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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Posts

Posted on December 2, 2017December 4, 2017

BABY BOOMERS: Millennials are lazy, entitled pieces of shit that choose to live in their parents basement
ALSO BABY BOOMERS: By next year we will have bankrupted 70% Of Americans so we can buy invisible submarines and finally focus on destroying the sun

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 2, 2017

Posted on December 1, 2017December 2, 2017

PLAYING MULTIPLE GAMES OF YAHTZEE WITH PIGEONS IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED pic.twitter.com/MJAFT1ffhq

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 1, 2017

Posted on November 30, 2017December 2, 2017

pic.twitter.com/iuIo9ywf0u

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 30, 2017

Posted on November 29, 2017December 2, 2017

Hell called. They officially ran out of special places six months ago.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 29, 2017

Posted on November 28, 2017

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is like if expired Kohl’s Cash were a person.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 28, 2017

Posted on November 27, 2017November 28, 2017

I firmly believe:
– Melania is a hologram
– Ivanka is made of glass
– Eric is a vampire
– Barron suffers from Benjamin Button disease and is actually Fred Trump
– Don Jr. is a bunch of anthropomorphic rocks stuffed in a body
– Tiffany is a Mossad agent that infiltrated the family

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 27, 2017

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