REPUBLICAN (running for office): We need to make haircuts safer!
REPUBLICAN (in office): Haircuts will only be done using chainsaws.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 3, 2017
*takes Cold War out of freezer*
*pre-heats oven*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 29, 2016
Jan. 20th: Trump takes office
Jan. 21st: Russia leaks Republicans emails
Jan. 22nd: Civil war breaks out
Jan. 23rd: #NationalWaffleDay— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 15, 2016
We had three motherfucking OJ Simpson documentaries this year, I think we can handle two elections.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 13, 2016
REPORTER: Let's talk about your Russian ties…
TRUMP: No no no, my ties are made in China— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 11, 2016
I'm disappointed in Sarah Palin more than any other human being. She saw what Russia was doing from her backyard and chose to say nothing.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 10, 2016